Im starting over again.
But I don't really know how to begin explaining all of this.
I was in a relationship with him for two years.
Two fucking years.
I've been emotionally attached to him for longer.
I actually opened up to him. Which is something that I never do.
And I guess this is probably why.
I feel like I've experienced a lot of important milestones in my life with him.
He was my rock and he was everything to me.
Being around him instantly put me on cloud nine.
He was like my natural high.
I thought he was in love with me as much as I was in love with him.
Naturally, as I am with most things.. I wad wrong.
He cheated on me and lied to me.
I let the first time go because it was a really long time ago.
But of course he was going to do it again.
I don't know why I didn't listen when people told me.
Still, even after the second time we tried to make it work.
And by we, of course I mean me.
He broke up with me to be with her.
Which of course left me asking what was wrong with me.
I still havent quite figured out why Im not good enough.
Especially for the only guy I've ever loved..
Its really a shitty feeling.
But it doesn't end there.
Just to keep him in my life, I tried to become just friends with him.
He expects me to still be around to vent to about everything.
But he's always complaining about everything.
Like how the girl he cheated on me with didn't want him.
He never once asked me how I was taking all of this.
Its always about him.
But if he had asked me, he would know how this is killing me.
This whole thing.
Im sitting by while he is actively searching for someone to replace me.
He really has moved on.
Im not the most important person in his life anymore and I don't know why I care.
Especially after all of the time I've wasted on him and how much he's put me through.
Hell, I have a date this weekend and I cantt even get excited about it.
The thought of being with anyone else kind of just repulses me.
I feel like if I don't find someone, I will look like a big desperate loser still pining after him.
When in reality, I really don't think I want to be with him anymore.
Not after all he's put me through.
Im not sure what that means.
Honestly, at this point I would just tell him to go fuck himself.
But still.
He's trying to replace me.
Shouldn't I be trying to replace him?
I really don't think Im ready, honestly.
That's all for tonight. I can barely keep my eyes open.
But I don't really know how to begin explaining all of this.
I was in a relationship with him for two years.
Two fucking years.
I've been emotionally attached to him for longer.
I actually opened up to him. Which is something that I never do.
And I guess this is probably why.
I feel like I've experienced a lot of important milestones in my life with him.
He was my rock and he was everything to me.
Being around him instantly put me on cloud nine.
He was like my natural high.
I thought he was in love with me as much as I was in love with him.
Naturally, as I am with most things.. I wad wrong.
He cheated on me and lied to me.
I let the first time go because it was a really long time ago.
But of course he was going to do it again.
I don't know why I didn't listen when people told me.
Still, even after the second time we tried to make it work.
And by we, of course I mean me.
He broke up with me to be with her.
Which of course left me asking what was wrong with me.
I still havent quite figured out why Im not good enough.
Especially for the only guy I've ever loved..
Its really a shitty feeling.
But it doesn't end there.
Just to keep him in my life, I tried to become just friends with him.
He expects me to still be around to vent to about everything.
But he's always complaining about everything.
Like how the girl he cheated on me with didn't want him.
He never once asked me how I was taking all of this.
Its always about him.
But if he had asked me, he would know how this is killing me.
This whole thing.
Im sitting by while he is actively searching for someone to replace me.
He really has moved on.
Im not the most important person in his life anymore and I don't know why I care.
Especially after all of the time I've wasted on him and how much he's put me through.
Hell, I have a date this weekend and I cantt even get excited about it.
The thought of being with anyone else kind of just repulses me.
I feel like if I don't find someone, I will look like a big desperate loser still pining after him.
When in reality, I really don't think I want to be with him anymore.
Not after all he's put me through.
Im not sure what that means.
Honestly, at this point I would just tell him to go fuck himself.
But still.
He's trying to replace me.
Shouldn't I be trying to replace him?
I really don't think Im ready, honestly.
That's all for tonight. I can barely keep my eyes open.
